To our little man HJ, also referred to as J on this blog space. Named after his dad's dad in the family tradition of alternating Hxxxxx and Cxxxxxx each generation. His middle name came from his dad's maternal grandfather. To top it all off, he was born bright and early on his maternal grandfather's birthday. We refer to him as our steeped in tradition child.

it's been one of those times... I'm hanging on to a little bit of hope like a life line.

Our year was off to a very bright and hopeful start. As is typical, "anything worth having is worth fighting/working for" comes to mind these days. Amazing how a week can drastically change one's outlook. I'm struggling to maintain my positive hopeful outlook already this year. I know life has made me/us stronger, but I'm having a weak moment or some weak moments... we'll see how long this lasts.

Potential for our bright future has dimmed somewhat. Seems at every turn, we have been met with new challenges and they all feel very tough right about now. The "to do" list seems to keep growing, our timelines for different projects seems to keep shrinking, the budget seems to keep shrinking, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed (and that's not good, cuz all I wanna do then is go into hibernation/paralyzed mode), school changeover isn't going as smoothly as advertised, teen drama unfolds yet again (I know I'll look back on these years completely differently than I feel ATM, probably very wistful and with a great measure of calm... yeah so not the reality right NOW).

-Does the teen roller coaster get easier before they are out on their own... or do I just need to accept this is the reality for us until at least the eldest gets her wings & leaves the nest?

-Can't decided what's real & what's just a test with her. Honesty hasn't been her strong suit, story-telling has. That's hard.

-Poor teen choices are rough on everyone, but the possible future consequences I'm fearing greatly for her and for us as parents.

-Struggling with how to get the point across, of how lasting and how hard, poor choices are to live with in reality.

-Talk about tough decisions! Hubs was very mad, disappointed and adamant last night, not a fun discussion to have had with him.

-Honestly, it was really scary. made me wanna run away like a child.

-Everyone thinks having a new little human to take care of is the scary phase. It's honestly a walk in the park compared with the teen years. These are truly the years you need a "For Dummies" version of an owner's manual/parenting guide more than any others!


OK feeling a little better just getting that out there. We'll see what happens tonight at counseling. A bit glad DH is working most of the weekend. Don't think I can take that level of tension in the house right now... I'm still digesting it all myself. I think he needs his time to let it all sink in too.