To our little man HJ, also referred to as J on this blog space. Named after his dad's dad in the family tradition of alternating Hxxxxx and Cxxxxxx each generation. His middle name came from his dad's maternal grandfather. To top it all off, he was born bright and early on his maternal grandfather's birthday. We refer to him as our steeped in tradition child.

it's been one of those times... I'm hanging on to a little bit of hope like a life line.

Our year was off to a very bright and hopeful start. As is typical, "anything worth having is worth fighting/working for" comes to mind these days. Amazing how a week can drastically change one's outlook. I'm struggling to maintain my positive hopeful outlook already this year. I know life has made me/us stronger, but I'm having a weak moment or some weak moments... we'll see how long this lasts.

Potential for our bright future has dimmed somewhat. Seems at every turn, we have been met with new challenges and they all feel very tough right about now. The "to do" list seems to keep growing, our timelines for different projects seems to keep shrinking, the budget seems to keep shrinking, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed (and that's not good, cuz all I wanna do then is go into hibernation/paralyzed mode), school changeover isn't going as smoothly as advertised, teen drama unfolds yet again (I know I'll look back on these years completely differently than I feel ATM, probably very wistful and with a great measure of calm... yeah so not the reality right NOW).

-Does the teen roller coaster get easier before they are out on their own... or do I just need to accept this is the reality for us until at least the eldest gets her wings & leaves the nest?

-Can't decided what's real & what's just a test with her. Honesty hasn't been her strong suit, story-telling has. That's hard.

-Poor teen choices are rough on everyone, but the possible future consequences I'm fearing greatly for her and for us as parents.

-Struggling with how to get the point across, of how lasting and how hard, poor choices are to live with in reality.

-Talk about tough decisions! Hubs was very mad, disappointed and adamant last night, not a fun discussion to have had with him.

-Honestly, it was really scary. made me wanna run away like a child.

-Everyone thinks having a new little human to take care of is the scary phase. It's honestly a walk in the park compared with the teen years. These are truly the years you need a "For Dummies" version of an owner's manual/parenting guide more than any others!


OK feeling a little better just getting that out there. We'll see what happens tonight at counseling. A bit glad DH is working most of the weekend. Don't think I can take that level of tension in the house right now... I'm still digesting it all myself. I think he needs his time to let it all sink in too.

First baby step of the year is setting goals.

I've had a very slow evolution back to FLYing. (Yes, a FlyLady-ism.) It's refreshing to be heading in the right direction after so many years at the bottom of my own list. I came away from reading some New Year's posts by fellow bloggers, to realize resolutions aren't the right approach for me/us this year. Our year is going to be undoubtedly full to the brim... quite possibly, very much overflowing. Many changes and challenges are looming on the horizon of our 2012. Pretty sure they'll mostly be for the better, but also very sure, it won't all be stress free.

Someone else coined the term revolution instead of resolution for 2012... yeah, that's much more what it feels like for us. For a revolution, you need a plan. For a plan to be set in motion, we need attainable goals.

1- this is the year I go back to putting myself at the top of my list. yup put the oxygen mask on myself first... daily (it's the only way I'll be able to keep up and motivate my family to lend their helping hands)... hydrate, nourish (body & soul), cleanse...again body (massage/supplements) & soul (prayer & meditation), build-up (setting aside time for working out & to read/write), sleep (making plans & concessions for when lil J obstructs the natural order)... I need my sleep, without it I'm next to worthless.

2- this is the time to re-evaluate and change up routines to facilitate action for the family at large.

3- this is the year of saying NO! No... to extra commitments on our time & energy. No... to excess expenditures. NO... to whining of capable children (including that lil girl inside myself at times). No... to play before work.

4- this is the year of saying YES! Yes... to making the hard decision to better our family (ie: savings before additional technologies and comforts). Yes... to working hard and then playing hard. Yes... to putting health before laziness. Yes... to a brighter future and easier to maintain household. Yes to rewards for hard work and a job well done!

5- this is the year to put reading at the forefront of extra curricular activities for kids & parents (growing our brains a little won't hurt us and may very well help us.

6- this is the year to re-evaluate what's really important to us individually & as a family and put those choices/priorities as the focus.

7- this is the year to figure out action plans with extended family to help family members in need.

8- this is the time to let go of things (that aren't really important) to make way for a lighter/freer life.

9- this is the year to start fulfilling my purpose

10- this is the year our home becomes an organized and well oiled machine that welcomes, envelops, comforts and uplifts each of us, our extended family & our friends.

11- this is the year that we focus on deepening & enriching inter-family relationships and having good times together.

Baby step #1 is done!
Now to print and post them in our home as a constant reminder.

I've been remiss in my efforts to get back to blogging. I've been concentrating on living & being in the moment more with the people who count most in my life. Much needed and I'm really glad I've taken the time to refocus my attention there. I've also been doing some much needed soul searching about myself, my relationships with my... -self, god, my husband, family & friends...what I need/want, what we need/want, what my purpose is...what our future holds. So much I haven't taken time for deep thinking on in probably many months, if not years now. Amazing how life can get in the way of these things sometimes.

OK... time for a new approach.

I'm realizing that what has worked in the past for me just isn't coming to fruition this time around. It maybe partially because I'm gearing up for summer and school year routines just don't hold much ground for me/us in the coming weeks. Plus, I'm guessing my groove has been off for far too long and finding it is much harder than I previously remember (it's probably been seriously a few years now).
   So here's to out with the old and in with the new. My revamped way to get baby stepping/flying (FlyLady-isms) is to "follow the flow" for lack of a better term/system. I'm following the flow of my family, my time, my energy level, my moods, etc. I know this may sound very wishy-washy to some. But so far, I'm getting much more done with this approach than I was fighting the tide that is real life to reel in more structured routines. Yes, there are still a few routines that have definite structure and need to be that way (dishes, laundry, mail, etc)... however I'm finding that letting go has it's own benefits as well. Ones that I've been in desperate need of without even realizing. I'm relearning to be more adaptable... while in many ways I've gone with the flow for years, I have to admit it's many times been with a begruding mindset/attitude. This is a much better way, if I don't have too much rigorously scheduled/structured routinely, then I'm finding I can lean into my childrens' desires easier and deal better with their moods day to day.

Here are a few examples:
- If I have the time, ingredients and feel like cooking up a storm... then I go with it and cook up several of my meals for the week ahead of time & give myself a few breaks cooking later in the week. It allows for a better use of my time and less stress to those harried nights of shuttling children to their afterschool/spring/summer activities when I don't have my other parenting partner available.
- If I feel like sewing... I tackle a couple projects and deal with the mending pile before, in the middle and after to eliminate one of my growing hotspots in my dining room.
- If I feel like painting... I figure out when and where I can carve out time for prep and then painting and then finishing touch-up work to complete the project(s) I have time to tackle and then I just do it. Benefit... lots of drying time is usually required for things in between steps. So it works great into my schedule much of the time. Now that spring is finally allowing for open windows in the house and our covered porch can house larger paint in progress projects out of little hands way... there will be even more new coats of paint being accomplished.
- If I feel like purging... I run like mad to the closest room and am just being ruthless!!! LOL Seriously though, I think what space needs it the worst & then I just dig in for much of the day. Sometimes that amounts to snippets of 10 or 15 mins here or there throughout my day & sometimes it means I get 3+ hours straight when lil J is taking an awesome nap. Sometimes it's become almost a week long event. We've had many trips of donations work it's way out the door in just the last few weeks with this approach. I also found a great place to part with kid clothing, toys, movies, books, etc: www.thredup.com , it's also a great place to find the like as well when we're in need at a very reasonable cost.
- If I feel like organizing... I decide what feels like it's nagging me the most in regards of disorganization and that's where I head first. Pull everything out and assess (sort/purge/group). Decide what would be the best way to organize based on function above all else (remembering who all uses the space and try and gear it toward them primarily) then try to find ways to also make it visually appealing.
- If I feel like tackling laundry (a very rare day indeed)... then I tackle things like swapping out seasonal clothing; stripping beds/curtains & washing anything else that isn't necessarily "worn" on a regular basis, but is used much; organizing/refolding clean clothing in children's/dh's drawers, maybe even some mending. We do have a regular laundry routine and it includes my children having a day of the week they are assigned to getting their own laundry washed, dried & put away. I do DH's & mine on our days & lil J's on her day usually working in the towel laundry then too.
- If I feel too tired to do much physical labor but my brain is saying I want to organize... then I tackle paperwork... paying bills, menu/meal plan, work on our family household binder, put more together in my control journal, sort pictures, tackle my inspiration files, attack my email inbox, plan things for the coming months & double check everyone's activity calendars against our master family calendar, plan projects I have on my neverending list... etc
- If I feel I'm on brain overload and instead need some manual labor to free my mind... I tackle something like mowing the lawn, rearranging furniture in a room, weeding the flower beds, deep clean a room or two in the house, put together a trampoline (yeah... for real mowed the lawn & put together a trampoline just this past Sunday... the later with the help of my eldest DD and youngest DS).
- If I feel like I just need to create... then I wait for a time when lil J is down for a nap & elder kiddos are busy, busy and I do whatever I want! It's some true me time that refills me in a way that nothing else can.
-If I feel like I need a break... I take one!!! I now am feeling it's well deserved much of the time... instead of my former feeling cranky, disorganized and that I'm robbing someone/something the time I'm taking for myself.

In light of keeping it real, I'm sharing what I've been up to. The good, the bad and the (very) ugley. I've hit a real lull/wall in the past couple of weeks. However I'm determined to pick up and move on in a big way!
More teeth for lil J (first molar even and that last eye tooth is still hanging just under the gum) means more sleepless nights coupled with sinus trouble, a couple root canals needing done (just waiting for the appt times to come around) and in a few migraines and yeah it's just been comin' up roses here.

First a little a purty inspiration (yeah, cuz I really need some around these parts):

... tornado alley would be far more accurate at the moment than to say this is my kitchen.
warning-(look away if you're easily disgusted). Also a formal apology for not nearly as good a picture quality as it could be. Seriously, would you wanna search for your camera in all this? So yes, more phone pics... plus I figured who really needs sharper images of this mess?!

sorry for the delay in getting back to things here at my blog.

Late last fall we (our immediate family) were able to make a trip back to Michigan (my parents'/grandparents' home state). It was the first time we'd been able to schedule a visit in a few years (starting a seasonal biz is a huge time suck). We were able to visit with both of my grandmothers (both of my grandfathers had passed many years before). We knew there were signs that the end of their time here may not be so far off. Deep down I'd felt great guilt that we hadn't made it back to visit for so long. The kids were growing by leaps and bounds and I wanted the younger ones to have a few (good) memories at least of their great-grandmothers. I know it sounds corny, but a peace settled over me during that visit. Both grandmothers were in rare form during our visits. You could see their authentic selves/spirits coming through in spite of the toll the aging process had taken. Good new memories and a great awakening of some of those forgotten memories for myself! I knew making time for the visit then had been the only choice I could have made.
Late last Thursday my mother called about my paternal grandmother. Hospice had been in tending/monitoring for a couple weeks when she started refusing to eat. Early last week she was refusing to drink. They knew her days were numbered. My Grandma Lou passed on in the wee hours this morning. She had a rich life, full of friends and family, work as a nurse for many, many years to help support her family. She was a short spitfire of a woman. Her humor was infectious. Her empathy/sympathy for others ran deep, but she was at times stoic as well... not wanting others to see how deeply she was affected. Her favorite flower were yellow roses of course. The deep red rose was my late Grandpa Ralph's favorite (her dearly departed hubby).

Sorry for becoming rather MIA. The last couple weeks have been super busy & exhausting for this mama. To say my blog has taken a back seat, is probably a grave understatement. First N had a cold that turned into a sinus & double ear infection all on the heels of a previous ear infection. Then N spent the night at a friend's house. Said friend has 3 cats, a dog and a rabbit. All those allergens threw N into an allergic/asthmatic tailspin for the following week. Baby J had a cold, then two teeth appear (makes #5&6), then another cold and is now working on the top two teeth opposite her new bottom teeth. Yes, of course that means more sleepless nights.

After our bout of the tummy bug making it's rounds through all the kiddos, mom's energy levels have been completely zapped. Luckily mom has managed to escape the wrath of the tummy bug & colds... but has sacrificed more sleep than she's probably lost in many years. To top it all off DH took off on a biz trip this past Saturday.

I know other mothers frequently pull off the single parent mode with traveling spouses, but I honestly have to say I'm so grateful I don't have to put on that hat very often. I find it to be very draining (I don't relax as readily & feel like I'm on constant high alert). Add to that I never sleep well when DH is away. Scarce to mention the additional night wakings, bathroom trips & drinks of water for the kiddos while he's been gone.

Yeah, it's been a bit crazy here. DH gets home tonight, so hopefully we'll be easing back into normal around here very soon once again.