Reflections leading to forward motions.

I've been remiss in my efforts to get back to blogging. I've been concentrating on living & being in the moment more with the people who count most in my life. Much needed and I'm really glad I've taken the time to refocus my attention there. I've also been doing some much needed soul searching about myself, my relationships with my... -self, god, my husband, family & friends...what I need/want, what we need/want, what my purpose is...what our future holds. So much I haven't taken time for deep thinking on in probably many months, if not years now. Amazing how life can get in the way of these things sometimes.


So much has happened in the last few months. Eldest DB and his family moving overseas (Germany) and then expecting their #2. My baby DB and his family welcoming the arrival of their sweet lil #2. Long needed counseling for DD in progress. Seasonal biz restructured for max profit and least time expenditure for our family as a whole. Eldest DS is growing up as his voice has suddenly lowered and booms thru the walls of our home. Instituting tough love parenting with our older children, defining new routines & raising their bars. Addressing dental/health issues (both DH & I... that's what happens when you stay away from the dentist/doctors for way too long... $$$). More auto repairs... again $$$. My father having had a stroke (hello mortality/reality issues... can we say priority wake up call...). DH's SF repeatedly in the hospital and on a declining trend (this time the wake up call is to DH's extended family about impending realities to face). Re-evaluating and addressing changing needs once again to our household (what is & isn't working & why... that part seems never-ending as kids grow & needs change in the family).  Receiving a very welcome opportunity to reconsider my parents' home for our family (praise God, so what we need and what my parents need).

These photos depict the deep contemplation and peacefulness that I associate with this post and my blogging purpose:
(HJ meeting lil J for the first time.)

 (N meeting lil J for the first time.)
 (C meeting lil J for the first time...such longing fulfilled after such a long wait.)
(Daddy & lil J... a preciously full circle moment captured.)

In all this reflection and future contemplation, I finally realized that I'd started to come away from why I decided to start blogging in the first place. Originally this was just a place for me to come & dump my thoughts out and possibly use as a digital scrapbook of sorts (for myself and my family). Mostly until I get back to the physical scrap booking I've put away until I have the space to work it efficiently. Blogging became an additional pressure. While admittedly self-inflicted, who needs that?! Yup, definitely not so little ol' me. I had started posting with an "additional audience" in mind. That led to fear of judgement and much self comparison that at least, for me in the here and now, wasn't healthy. Another limit learned. My subconscious obviously knows best, since I kept falling off with regular posts. Back to my initial drawing or rather thinking/sounding board. 

This little space in the WWW is for me first, my family second and my friends (IRL and OL) third. I just need to keep it real... for reals. First post of the happy New Year is to remind myself why I started this journey.

Redoing a redo... Inspiration

Well our plan was to convert a portion of our covered front porch into a new mudroom space this fall. However, the economy being what it is affected our seasonal biz and not in a favorable way. That plan has been scratched. The new plan involves a bit of finessing of our dining room to allow for a corner to be used as an extended mudroom next to our small entryway.

While much of these inspiration pics won't fit in the current space confines. I'm still very inspired by these pieces & mudrooms.

not sure where I found this pic- anyone know?
photo credit: pb.com
photo credit: ana-white.com
pretty sure this a bhg.com find
photo credits: whatever blog
 
photo credits: sarahrichardsondesign.com

Our new mudroom/extended entry solution is a temporary fix to help sell the house and keep us functional until that happens. Many factors have led to this decision: local school issues, house size, lot size, functionality of house to suit our needs, etc.

Also iIn the spirit of using/needing inspiration here are some porch finds I'm loving... I'll eventually (probably next spring) have to give ours a decent spiffing up.
meg's front porch @ whatever blog
Nester's old porch @ thenester.com
so relaxing and inviting
photo credit: blog.hgtv.com
OK I'm just dreaming here...
but if we ever get a screened in porch,
this might be a nice switch up
photo credit: homesteadrevival.blogspot.com


New Approach... Follow the Flow

OK... time for a new approach.

 At the Art Show
I'm realizing that what has worked in the past for me just isn't coming to fruition this time around. It maybe partially because I'm gearing up for summer and school year routines just don't hold much ground for me/us in the coming weeks. Plus, I'm guessing my groove has been off for far too long and finding it is much harder than I previously remember (it's probably been seriously a few years now).
   So here's to out with the old and in with the new. My revamped way to get baby stepping/flying (FlyLady-isms) is to "follow the flow" for lack of a better term/system. I'm following the flow of my family, my time, my energy level, my moods, etc. I know this may sound very wishy-washy to some. But so far, I'm getting much more done with this approach than I was fighting the tide that is real life to reel in more structured routines. Yes, there are still a few routines that have definite structure and need to be that way (dishes, laundry, mail, etc)... however I'm finding that letting go has it's own benefits as well. Ones that I've been in desperate need of without even realizing. I'm relearning to be more adaptable... while in many ways I've gone with the flow for years, I have to admit it's many times been with a begruding mindset/attitude. This is a much better way, if I don't have too much rigorously scheduled/structured routinely, then I'm finding I can lean into my childrens' desires easier and deal better with their moods day to day.

Here are a few examples:
- If I have the time, ingredients and feel like cooking up a storm... then I go with it and cook up several of my meals for the week ahead of time & give myself a few breaks cooking later in the week. It allows for a better use of my time and less stress to those harried nights of shuttling children to their afterschool/spring/summer activities when I don't have my other parenting partner available.
- If I feel like sewing... I tackle a couple projects and deal with the mending pile before, in the middle and after to eliminate one of my growing hotspots in my dining room.
- If I feel like painting... I figure out when and where I can carve out time for prep and then painting and then finishing touch-up work to complete the project(s) I have time to tackle and then I just do it. Benefit... lots of drying time is usually required for things in between steps. So it works great into my schedule much of the time. Now that spring is finally allowing for open windows in the house and our covered porch can house larger paint in progress projects out of little hands way... there will be even more new coats of paint being accomplished.
- If I feel like purging... I run like mad to the closest room and am just being ruthless!!! LOL Seriously though, I think what space needs it the worst & then I just dig in for much of the day. Sometimes that amounts to snippets of 10 or 15 mins here or there throughout my day & sometimes it means I get 3+ hours straight when lil J is taking an awesome nap. Sometimes it's become almost a week long event. We've had many trips of donations work it's way out the door in just the last few weeks with this approach. I also found a great place to part with kid clothing, toys, movies, books, etc: www.thredup.com , it's also a great place to find the like as well when we're in need at a very reasonable cost.
- If I feel like organizing... I decide what feels like it's nagging me the most in regards of disorganization and that's where I head first. Pull everything out and assess (sort/purge/group). Decide what would be the best way to organize based on function above all else (remembering who all uses the space and try and gear it toward them primarily) then try to find ways to also make it visually appealing.
- If I feel like tackling laundry (a very rare day indeed)... then I tackle things like swapping out seasonal clothing; stripping beds/curtains & washing anything else that isn't necessarily "worn" on a regular basis, but is used much; organizing/refolding clean clothing in children's/dh's drawers, maybe even some mending. We do have a regular laundry routine and it includes my children having a day of the week they are assigned to getting their own laundry washed, dried & put away. I do DH's & mine on our days & lil J's on her day usually working in the towel laundry then too.
- If I feel too tired to do much physical labor but my brain is saying I want to organize... then I tackle paperwork... paying bills, menu/meal plan, work on our family household binder, put more together in my control journal, sort pictures, tackle my inspiration files, attack my email inbox, plan things for the coming months & double check everyone's activity calendars against our master family calendar, plan projects I have on my neverending list... etc
Our new 15' Trampoline
- If I feel I'm on brain overload and instead need some manual labor to free my mind... I tackle something like mowing the lawn, rearranging furniture in a room, weeding the flower beds, deep clean a room or two in the house, put together a trampoline (yeah... for real mowed the lawn & put together a trampoline just this past Sunday... the later with the help of my eldest DD and youngest DS).
- If I feel like I just need to create... then I wait for a time when lil J is down for a nap & elder kiddos are busy, busy and I do whatever I want! It's some true me time that refills me in a way that nothing else can.
-If I feel like I need a break... I take one!!! I now am feeling it's well deserved much of the time... instead of my former feeling cranky, disorganized and that I'm robbing someone/something the time I'm taking for myself.


This approach affords me to use my energy & natural rhythms to maximize my "doing and getting done-ness" around my home and with my family.  It also allows me to take breaks without feeling guilty or that I'm depriving someone of something in my family/household. It's been allowing me to almost daily be able to visually see progress in my home and that's no small feat! Being able to see and feel those things being accomplished is helping me to gain strength and confidence I didn't even realize had been lacking for some time now. Letting go and going with the flow have been one of the best new adventures I've taken in some time. I let go of planning too much and let go of controlling EVERYTHING... I've started saying no that's just too much for me/my family/ you my child... I've started leaving holes in our calendar daily, weekly, monthly for real living and spontenaity to develop into memories and stronger family bonding times. Instead of feeling like the flow of life is leading us... I'm starting to feel like allowing a bit of a slower pace is allowing us more living and life. 
   Week 1- Installed phase 1 of our command central area in our dining room (two pantry cabinets and a countertop), Organized school/office supplies, Organized dining/entertaining supplies, Took care of seasonal swap out of clothing for 3 family members. Played board games with older kids.
   My Mom Station
   Week 2- Made 3 meals in one day, Had time for a family night on a school night, Cleared a spot for
laptops, Boxed up clothing donations/thred up boxes, Organized my mom station, Installed phase 2 of command central (dry erase mirror, weekly DE agenda, kids paper station, school paper box, monthly calendar clipboard, mail in and out baskets, french memo board), Mowed the lawn and weeded the front flower bed.
Seasonal Deocrations
Living Room deep cleaned & rearranged
   Week 3- Sorted/Organized/Stowed seasonal decorations & party supplies, Mowed and weed eated yard, Deep cleaned my living room, Rearranged my living room, Purged some furniture and found a new love of more open spaces, Rearranged my dining room, Cleared off my kitchen counters, Shined my sink (finally!!!), Put together a trampoline we bought our eldest 3 for Easter. Swept and mopped my kitchen & dining room floors (seriously hadn't happened for months... gross).
   During those same 3 weeks I had a teething 14 month old with molars & eye teeth popping thru. We had soccer practices & games to attend, a First Communion for a good family friend, birthday parties to attend & host, spring concerts, dental & doctor appts, extended family gatherings & visits, my BGF even visited (it's been about 4yrs since she's been to my house),  and even a school field trip to the Cleveland Zoo I drove for and chaperoned. But those felt like some of the slowest, most productive weeks I've had in years!!! We've already deepened some interpersonal family relationships and I've been able to really live in the moment and even have remembered to take a few pictures and captured some memories along the way. A far cry from where things have been headed for the past 3+ years.
Petting time at the Zoo
   So maybe rethink your approach. Are you a Type A all the way? Have you always followed a certain mindset and timeline in your life? Do you try to plan and keep track of everything (super moms)? Are you drowning or  only surviving and along for the ride instead of riding life to it's fullest? That's how I was and was feeling. 
   This new approach wasn't so much pre-planned, noted on a calendar/to-do list and executed... but had slowly been growing and developing. It started as a small seed of me thinking hmmm... what if I just did what I felt like doing (for the most part) every day for a week? I almost talked myself out of it a few times over. But I decided what could it hurt in the long scheme of things. I just jumped for it and decided what have I got to lose... I mean really WHAT?! So yes, obviously I have gained much and it's literally only been 3 short weeks since that seed of thought planted itself in my brain. Just go with it for a week and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe you'll find a new life at the end of your trial new approach...
Our lil J at her Party

My kitchen... just 1 reason I need to FLY again!

In light of keeping it real, I'm sharing what I've been up to. The good, the bad and the (very) ugley. I've hit a real lull/wall in the past couple of weeks. However I'm determined to pick up and move on in a big way!
More teeth for lil J (first molar even and that last eye tooth is still hanging just under the gum) means more sleepless nights coupled with sinus trouble, a couple root canals needing done (just waiting for the appt times to come around) and in a few migraines and yeah it's just been comin' up roses here.

First a little a purty inspiration (yeah, cuz I really need some around these parts):

between you and me blog

... tornado alley would be far more accurate at the moment than to say this is my kitchen.
warning-(look away if you're easily disgusted). Also a formal apology for not nearly as good a picture quality as it could be. Seriously, would you wanna search for your camera in all this? So yes, more phone pics... plus I figured who really needs sharper images of this mess?!
well I'll be, you can still pick out the dishwasher and fridge

 yes this was my island with pass thru in the back ground
 randomness... crockpot from Easter, fundraiser delivery
 I'm just glad there is some resemblance left to a kitchen, just wish I could say it wasn't mine
oy vey, that's a little scary... see the crusty stack of glasses I confiscated out of eldest DD's room?

If you follow along with FlyLady, you'll notice the zone this week is the living room. It's quite evident that's not what needs it most here. So my zone is officially the Kitchen. I'll be back very soon with some much nicer evidence of some much needed progress. 

Update and passing...

sorry for the delay in getting back to things here at my blog.


Late last fall we (our immediate family) were able to make a trip back to Michigan (my parents'/grandparents' home state). It was the first time we'd been able to schedule a visit in a few years (starting a seasonal biz is a huge time suck). We were able to visit with both of my grandmothers (both of my grandfathers had passed many years before). We knew there were signs that the end of their time here may not be so far off. Deep down I'd felt great guilt that we hadn't made it back to visit for so long. The kids were growing by leaps and bounds and I wanted the younger ones to have a few (good) memories at least of their great-grandmothers. I know it sounds corny, but a peace settled over me during that visit. Both grandmothers were in rare form during our visits. You could see their authentic selves/spirits coming through in spite of the toll the aging process had taken. Good new memories and a great awakening of some of those forgotten memories for myself! I knew making time for the visit then had been the only choice I could have made.

Late last Thursday my mother called about my paternal grandmother. Hospice had been in tending/monitoring for a couple weeks when she started refusing to eat. Early last week she was refusing to drink. They knew her days were numbered. My Grandma Lou passed on in the wee hours this morning. She had a rich life, full of friends and family, work as a nurse for many, many years to help support her family. She was a short spitfire of a woman. Her humor was infectious. Her empathy/sympathy for others ran deep, but she was at times stoic as well... not wanting others to see how deeply she was affected. Her favorite flower were yellow roses of course. The deep red rose was my late Grandpa Ralph's favorite (her dearly departed hubby).
I'll most likely be away for a few more days. We're making rather hurried preparations for the funeral proceedings and to spend time with extended family. My apologies to my FL friends for coming up short on my promises there. I'll be back soon.

Real life rears it's insane head again...

Sorry for becoming rather MIA. The last couple weeks have been super busy & exhausting for this mama. To say my blog has taken a back seat, is probably a grave understatement. First N had a cold that turned into a sinus & double ear infection all on the heels of a previous ear infection. Then N spent the night at a friend's house. Said friend has 3 cats, a dog and a rabbit. All those allergens threw N into an allergic/asthmatic tailspin for the following week. Baby J had a cold, then two teeth appear (makes #5&6), then another cold and is now working on the top two teeth opposite her new bottom teeth. Yes, of course that means more sleepless nights.


After our bout of the tummy bug making it's rounds through all the kiddos, mom's energy levels have been completely zapped. Luckily mom has managed to escape the wrath of the tummy bug & colds... but has sacrificed more sleep than she's probably lost in many years. To top it all off DH took off on a biz trip this past Saturday.

I know other mothers frequently pull off the single parent mode with traveling spouses, but I honestly have to say I'm so grateful I don't have to put on that hat very often. I find it to be very draining (I don't relax as readily & feel like I'm on constant high alert). Add to that I never sleep well when DH is away. Scarce to mention the additional night wakings, bathroom trips & drinks of water for the kiddos while he's been gone.

Yeah, it's been a bit crazy here. DH gets home tonight, so hopefully we'll be easing back into normal around here very soon once again.

About Me

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I'm a 30-something, mostly SAHM of 4 (2 DD's and 2 DS's) and DSM to 1 (DSD). I've had a deeply ingrained love & respect for mother nature and most things natural ever since I can remember. In 2003 we were FTHB's of a 1920 cape cod desperately needing TLC. We've been gradually remodeling ever since. I have a mad love of beautifully organized home spaces that are exceptionally functional. I love working with my hands and creating, especially newly repurposed things. My DH may state that I'm a creative force to be reckoned with. I started this blog as a way to chronicle our life as a family and our adventures in home ownership... my musings. I love hanging with my family and friends. Yet I crave slivers of good old fashioned alone time to be still, collect my thoughts and refuel my spirit. Hope you enjoy the snippits of chaos, fleeting moments of sanity... er... insanity. Well whatever it may be, it'll be real.
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